The author and the streetcar

Why I Hate New Orleans: a transplant essay

I hated New Orleans from the first moment I set foot in it. I hate Tulane for giving me a scholarship. I hate the Newcomb girls for being so ugly and overdressed all the time. I hate the all-night bar in the basement of the school’s university center. I hate that friends who stayed active in Greek life remained friends with ones who never joined it. I hate not attending a party school, and, more importantly, not living in a party city. I hate that my mom convinced me to visit and that my dad also fell in love with the city once he visited. I hate that my baby brother went to school next door after he visited during spring break.

I hate that I moved here over ten years ago, tried to leave, and came crawling back. I hate that it took me this long to write a “transplant” essay like the insightful ones I’ve seen in the New York Times and in Esquire Magazine.

I hate the weather (except the occasional hurricanes). I hate endless summer and tropical afternoon showers that make for good naps. I hate coming back… every, single, time after EVERY, SINGLE, STORM. I hate that Katrina didn’t Sodom & Gomorrah this place off the map. More than anything, I hate the evacuee puppy my family adopted right after the storm whom I brought back to her home when I moved back to NOLA.

I hate that this is the most well-organized city in the United States and the least well-organized city in the Caribbean. I hate that this city gave birth to jazz. I hate all the books, photos, poems, and art inspired by here. I hate that there are no shitty clubs like in Los Angeles. I hate the music scene and bars that have live bands with no cover.

I hate working in the CBD of the fastest growing city in the nation. I hate that my boss likes to go out in the French Quarter on work nights and then power through the morning afterwards. I hate my coworkers. I hate that some of my former coworkers are some of my best friends. I hate all the bars, free concerts, and restaurants walking distance from my office. I hate that every hour is happy hour.

I hate both the historical buildings and the new green housing developments. I hate the mismatched homes and their gardens, intentional or not. I hate the architecture everywhere.

I hate that all my closest friends live here, visit as often as possible, or are scheming to find ways to move back. I hate friends who work in the service industry and that all their regular customers become de facto friends. I hate that everyone is so friendly here; the residents are the worst, and even the tourists want to learn what “Where y’at?” means.

I hate “Who Dat.” I hate that I moved here ready to root for a losing team. I hate that the Saints got surprisingly good, and I hate that they restored this city’s faith after a hard time. I hate that they party with their fans and still set a good example for kids. I hate that the Saints won the Super Bowl. (I hate the iconic Beyoncé Blackout Bowl too.) I hate that there’s a WHO DAT NATION now. I hate all the players and all their charity work.

I hate “The Hollywood of the South” and the tax incentive filmmakers get here. I hate that we’re a city that location casting can’t replicate in another city. I hate that celebrities walk in and out of my life and are just regular people here. I hate that locals don’t bother them. I hate that I worked for Treme and got to meet some of the coolest cast and crew around. I hate that chefs from all over come down here for inspiration. I hate that Top Chef decided to have a season here.

I hate that bars close later than 2AM. I hate drinking on patios and balconies by candlelight. I hate the unpretentious bartenders who have worked in prominent bars elsewhere yet still sling drinks at dive bars. I hate that some bars stay open during hurricanes because everyone needs shelter from the storm.

I hate that every time you turn around there’s a holiday, a parade, a festival, or just random musicians playing in the street. I hate the St. Charles Streetcar. I hate wearing locally designed and produced t-shirts that reflect all these cultural aspects.

Mostly I hate the food. I hate how affordable fine dining is here. I hate the mom’n’pop poboy shops. I loathe Popeyes. I hate all gulf seafood. I hate that the cuisine here is the only true, regional cuisine that the USA has. I hate that “eating locally” isn’t a trend here—It’s just the way we’ve always done it. I hate that we have more signature dishes than every other American city and state. I hate that here, pop-ups and food trucks become brick-and-mortar restaurants. I hate that chefs are humble and ask “Was it good?” I hate them because they’re the ones who serve things ranging from great to near perfection. I hate the blend of Caribbean, African, Spanish, French, Creole, Cajun, and southern recipes.

I hate the way this city welcomes all immigrants. I hate the Vietnamese, Irish, Italians, and everyone else who’s brought their food here and merged it with local ingredients. I hate Catholicism, voodoo lore, and hedonism. I hate that you can move from neighborhood to neighborhood and no one judges how you look or how you dress. I hate the gays and the way they thrive here. I hate that straight people are so accepting of them here. I hate that people like to wear costumes and that – on Halloween – if you’re not in costume, you’re the “freak.”

I hate Mardi Gras. Obviously.

I hate that I will probably die here with a smile on my face.

Feel free to comment with why you hate New Orleans, or hit me up on Twitter at @ndrewmarin. #whyIhateNOLA 

Featured on Freshly Pressed

Advertisements

397 Comments

      • Wow…someone had to say it. For me it’s a love/hate thing! 🙂 Great article!! 🙂

        Like

      • If you hate Nola so much leave but no you can’t you come right back because Nola is so great . What you hate so much about Nola everybody loves . You have a right to a opinion but you also have the right to leave New Orleans if you have so much hate in your life you should just wake up and see all the love here

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hate new orleans for the taxi bike rides, the awesome architecture, horse carriages, Cafe Du Monde famous beignets, the multi cultured flavorful food that’s seasoned like it ain’t no bodies business. I especially hate the street performers, musicians of every kind, artists in way more Ways then one, and most of all I hate it for its southern hospitality. #whyihateNOLA

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes. And I hate New Orleans so much that I am racking my brain for a way to move there (the love of my life is an attorney…and the only thing I *truly* hate is that LA is the only state that follows Napoleonic Code and not English Common Law)…and I hate how obsessively determined I’ve become to do so.

        P.S. Stephanie–I think you sort of missed the point, here.

        Liked by 1 person

      • New Orleans is one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. To call it “the most organized city in the country” is sad. There are many other cities that are more eco-friendly, safe, CLEAN, with more events per year, better education system, and affordable. Where majority of the city population isn’t living in poverty.

        You seem oblivious to the reality of New Orleans, and the only thing you like about the city is the excessive drinking.

        Sad.

        Like

      • Melissa, I’m sorry that the better education system you’re enjoying over in Austin hasn’t taught you sarcasm, sentence structure, or basic reading comprehension.

        Liked by 1 person

    • I sooo F*king hate you. Because you made me cry. After reading your essay, I’m truly homesick. I have been in Hollywood for five years and everything sucks here….literally. Bullshit traffic, phoney people with no manners and very few buildings with real character. Thank Jesus I’m slated to Executive Produce a feature film this year in Louisiana. I would ask you “How’s yo Mama and Dem” but I hate you for reminding me about the cool music scene, wonderful eats and flowing libations. Do I know what it means to miss New Orleans ? You bet yo ass. I can’t wait to kiss the terrazo floor at Louie Armstrong dragging my luggage to my taxi. The hot blast of humidity crashing over me and the smell of crawfish. Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints… I’m Home at last. Bratha the first Sazerac is on me. Doug Cosgro

      Liked by 4 people

    • Where the fuck do I get to Hate here? I hate this shit! Oh wait…I posted. I hate, when I hate not getting to post and then my post shows up moments later! I hate that!

      Like

  1. A dear friend pointed out that I neglected to mention my hatred of go-cups. I intended to put them in somewhere after “bars close later than 2AM.” But yes, I hate go-cups and the ability to drink in the street legally.

    Liked by 3 people

    • People have been mentioning that I don’t hate crawfish. I do hate crawfish, but I think the rest of Louisiana hates crawfish just as much as New Orleans does.

      Like

  2. Sounds like you hate NOLA just as much as I do. I tried living other places. Places that consistently rate near the top on “Best place to raise your kid, etc.” lists, but none compared with my home. I am thankful for every day that I wake up in NOLA, (and I hate that).

    Like

  3. This hate has been going on for a long, long time.
    Lafcadio Hearn – 1877
    “Times are not good here. The city is crumbling into ashes. It has been buried under taxes and frauds and maladministrations so that it has become a study for archaeologists…but it is better to live here in sackcloth and ashes than to own the whole state of Ohio.”

    ― Lafcadio Hearn, Inventing New Orleans: Writings of Lafcadio Hearn

    Liked by 3 people

    • I hate that passage. I hate all writing about New Orleans. Here’s one of my most hated, by Andrei Codrescu:

      “How did you fall in love with New Orleans? At once, madly. … Looking back, sometimes I think it was predestined.”

      Liked by 3 people

      • Excellent choice that you picked for me to start hating immediately…if not any sooner. I hate more and more that I know how to read and that causes me to have to read all these ridiculously flattering compliments that give me lumps in my throat. I hate lumps in my throat even more now and hate that because I can read that, that I cant stop reading and that brings back so many spell binding, sun rise club exits. This eventually led me to become a terrible disc jockey in “Fat City” just so I could hate it and hate everyone there even more. While I performed as a disc jockey I always made sure that everyone there hated me and mostly that they were hating the underground music they danced vigorously too. Daily I pondered on my hate and if I had hated anyone and everyone. Most of all I hated realizing that my day was ending as it did each day, but was hated the idea of waking just to do it all over again….But tomorrow I’ll just do it a little bit different. Laissez les bons temps rouler! (Let the good times roll)!

        Like

    • I hate that I’m reading all my LH books this week just so I can realize other things that I hate about my native city

      Like

  4. I hate that I absolutely know what it means to miss New Orleans!! I hate Hubig pies and all of their simple deliciousness.(RIP) I hate King Cakes and the blank stares I get here in DC when I say I am craving one during the months of January-March. I hate the Jazz Fest and it’s ever growing collective musical genius. I

    Like

    • I missed New Orleans for a few years. I’m still hoping that Hubig’s makes a come back. I hate those damn delicious pies.

      Like

      • Who ever heard of a chocolate or fried apple pocket pie? Ridiculous!

        Like

      • I hate that a couple of days before Hubig’s burned down that I bought a pie. Upon hearing the bad news, I promptly placed it in my freezer, and it hasn’t left yet!

        Like

    • How dare you bring up Hubig’s pies. I bet you especially hate the lemon ones like I do, don’t you.

      I hate that when I still lived on Pine street, I would walk down to Adams Street Grocery for a hot roast beef & swiss, dressed (mayo, lettuce, tomato) with a Barq’s to wash it down. I hate that I could be satisfied with that for most of a day for about an hour’s pay. I hate that I see imitations of food from New Orleans all over the place and that none of it can even come close to being satisfying.

      I hate that I was finally able to take my kids to Mardi Gras last year and they loved it. I hate that they took to Bacchus like they were native-born.

      I hate that Luxembourg is the only city I have visited that gave me a feeling anywhere close to being in Audubon Park. I hate that walking the streets of Paris made me long for New Orleans.

      I hate that I have judged everywhere I have lived since I left New Orleans by the presence of trees along the streets and clouds in the sky. I hate that I am continually disappointed by the lack of one or the other, if not both.

      I hate that I am constantly looking for home elsewhere and never finding it.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Andrew Marin…thank you…thank you for making me HATE our city even more…DAMN IT!!! #DaughterOfNOLA

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is the greatest thing of hatred I’ve ever hated. Hate you so much. I will be drinking at The Bulldog tonight in honor of the hatred I feel for you & this hateful city.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You make me hate this city even more than I hate it now. Keep up the bad work:)

    Like

  8. I hate this Badass piece of literature.
    Seriously, as a native of New Orleans, it was very enjoyable to read!

    Like

      • I’m a 5th generation local and there’s 2 more generations that follow me and we love how you hate….from Algiers to Metaire to Jefferson, Kenner, Uptown, ..we’re all over the place..You’d think we were LeBlanc or Bordreaux or Boyer’…Ya Think??? à la prochaine

        Like

  9. I love that I live in Australia and get to miss out on all of the terrible things New Orleans has to offer. I love that I have no life Down Under so I can save all my money so that I have to fly to NOLA at least once a year to suffer through all of those terrible things…and I really hate that I won’t be one of those Halloween freaks because I’ll be wearing a really bad costume! 😃🍷

    Like

  10. I’m sure you hate cemeteries as much as I do, and how we celebrate life, not death with Jazz funerals & Second Lines

    Like

  11. I hate that you can strike up a conversation with the person standing behind you in a line and they actually respond & engage – not look at you like you’re a freak.

    Like

  12. Those of us who were born here hate the people like you who have moved here & figured out why we hate being from here

    Like

  13. I hate when you order a sandwich- she calls you darlin’ and if you want it dressed.

    Like

  14. I hate every word including the comments ALMOST as much as I hate this magnificent city! You are wonderfully hateful! 🙂

    Like

  15. I hate that when you marry a homeboy, every time you move away, you have to move back to New Orleans within 18 months!

    Like

  16. Me too.
    I hated it after I moved to Denver last year.
    I hate it every time I come home to visit.
    And I hate the fact that I will eventually move back to DIE in that awful place.

    Like

  17. I hate that it is so close to the FANTASTIC MS gulf coast. Which is another great place to hate!

    Like

  18. You totally forgot WWOZ! What a bunch of hateful, uniformed punks. (Jeez, even acknowledging the theme here it still feels bad writing this)

    Like

  19. I hate Cooter Brown’s on a Sunday afternoon watching football, drinking beers, eating oysters and leaving having never seen the sun.

    Like

    • It Gauls me that I was one of the first customers of that bar back in 1978. What was I thinking? It’s also to my utter shame that I was an early customer of almost every bar in Carrollton during that period. I’m so full of self hate. I’ll have to drink myself out of my obvious funk, maybe while dancing at the Maple Leaf.

      Like

  20. Totally hated that you covered just about every reason to hate New Orleans! What you didn’t cover, comments were made to remind you of the hated things you missed! I am a local girl and have never wanted to live any where else in the world! You can take someone out of New Orleans but you can’t take New Orleans out of them!!! Enjoyed hating your article!

    Like

  21. As much as I detest it, I am throwing a crawfish boil real soon. I’ve come to expect it will probably be the most horrible thing that has ever happened on this earth. I hate crawfish – I cannot express what horror those little freaks put into me. I hate crawfish and crawfish season – and more than anything, I hate crawfish boils.

    Like

  22. I hate that I can get from one side of the city to the next in 15 minutes, also hate the lack of freaks in N.O. , and that anyone who embraces the city is a local .And I hate this blog!

    Like

  23. I hate crawfish boils and am throwing one real soon now. I cannot express how much I hate those things and how much more I hate eating them. I hate crawfish season, crawfish boils and especially the people that do not hate them passionately!

    Like

  24. I hate that this is the only place in the world with sno-balls. The softness of the ice is truly loathsome. Not like shaved ice or crunchy sno-cones. Hansens, Pandora and Plum street make me hate the sickly sweet flavors they’ve messed up. And please don’t forget the awful condensed milk. Other cities really got that right, not to offer condensed milk. They even look at you crazy when you ask for it. When I was living aboad from New Orleans in Dallas, I hated that I had to bring my own everything include Grits.

    Like

  25. As a native-born New Orleanian, I hated reading this blog. I hate that so many hate our city — and they hate it for good reasons! How could anyone not hate the fragrance of our magnolias, jasmine, orange and lemon blossoms, or that most hateful fragrance of all — Sweet Olive!!! I used to hate the aromas of bread baking, coffee beans roasting, all those horrible ones coming through the windows of people’s homes as they cooked!!! Oh, I could tell you more of the things people, and you, forgot to hate, but I’ll save that until another time. May our city always be hated, especially by its native-born!

    Like

      • That street was supposed to have a “lemony scent” but it was voted down and the perp has been put in jail.

        Like

  26. This local says Bravo!!!! I HATE this damned city too especially when I went to high school and could fill up on those disgusting beignets with the powdered sugar all over my skirt!!! Oh and the Natchez and that hateful Calliope music…..oh my!!!! Bravo!

    Like

  27. I hate that NOLA has made me hate traveling around the world cause why go elsewhere to see things and experience things that we have and do better here. HATE that I and a group of friends have been able to try a new restaurant a month for 10 years now. Hate Confederacy of Dunces especially when I was laughing out loud. And I’ve hated living in the Quarter for 25 years, dawlin’.

    Like

  28. I hate everything that is written here and most of all that i`m going back home soon again on my yearly 6 weeks visits which eventually hopefully will get me to stay for good one day.Then i can hate it even more. And oh then i`m soon gonna be able once again see my hated football team again at the training camp.

    Like

  29. I hate everything that is written here and most of all that i`m going back home soon again on my yearly 6 weeks visits which eventually hopefully will get me to stay for good one day.Then i can hate it even more. And oh, i hate that i soon gonna see my hated football team again at the training camp.

    Like

  30. I left and came back with a wife from California, now we hate it together (she hates mini Muffelettas too).

    Like

  31. I hate to explain to visitors from my old town that hey cannot go into a Wal-Mart at 4am on Sunday morning and get a bottle of JD. or a six pack of beer at a stop and rob after 200am any day. And walking down the street with a “to go” cup will get you arrested. :<) In all seriousness, the most I miss from my home town is the three Fs. Family, friends and food. Also, if a Texican says he can handle the crawfish, tie his ass up and don't let him near the boiler. BBQ, yes. But people from Texas have no idea how to boil crawfish, or fry catfish, or make a snowball. Damned I miss Sonny's in Kenner!

    Like

  32. I hate that you totally get it. I hate that I sat here and read this blog getting all teary eyed because you obviously do. And I hate that I am a native of Laplace but would almost sell my soul to get to NOLA at least one or two weekends a month. I hate that I spent time reading this.

    Like

  33. I hate fried shrimp poboys, hate Jazzfest (too much damn talent) and hate the lakefront on a Sunday afternoon.

    Like

  34. I hate the fact that I want to be back there sooooo bad. I hate that the author hates my city so badly. And I really hate that I will have to gag down crawfish and wash it down with Abita Amber when I get there next week for French Quarter Fest.

    Like

  35. I hate that I have the best memories of growing up in Mid -City, in the most unique and most beautiful city in America. I hate that I still say “I’m going home” to visit even though I’ve lived away for 20 something years. I hate that I still sound like a “Yat” and freakin proud of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. The stork dropped me on the banquette on Dauphine Street in the Upper 9th Ward in 1953 and I’ve been trying to find a way out ever since! I hate it when that happens!

    Like

  37. I hate you for writing this hateful essay, which made me proud and homesick. Thank you for hating my NOLA, in such a lovely way 🙂

    Like

  38. I hated being one of those Newcomb girls. I hated turning 18 and having my first legal drink with my friends just before my French class that afternoon. I hated coffee with chicory. I hated spending afternoons discovering Magazine Street. I hate coming back to retrace my steps even now!

    Like

  39. I hate that your point of view just doesn’t apply to N’Awlins, except the music in the streets when it’s not Carnival, it applies to all of the major cities along the I-10 corridor … I visit N’Awlins and hate it everytime but comin back to my town is an awful thing too! Thank you for this hateful article that shows so accurately why transplants fall so hard in hate with Southern Louisiana … Tell yer Mom.n.Dem Hey cher and pass yerself a good day :))

    Like

  40. I hate that you made me once again hate the state I left 30 odd years ago to explore the “real” world. I hate you so much for making hate (again) this terribly horribly wonderful state I’m going to have to go cry now. Thanks.

    Like

  41. Here’s to you marrying a local girl and she gives you “Yat” children and you’re stuck with kids’ names that reflect things in this city and here’s to your new family developing an incurable case of redbeansinya, fulojambalaya, and daiquiriaria. You deserve every bit of it. And I hope your out of town family and friends catch it, too… deep down!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I am in Atlanta crying from all the hate I have for New Orleans and how I hate that I grew up by the lakefront near Robert E. Lee, and how I hated riding my bike down Lakeshore Drive as a kid. I think about how much I hate my mother’s food and my grandmother’s food. I the that everyone I know there spend so much time listening to good music, eating good food and enjoying the company of so many good people. I hate this article. I hate my city. I hate it so much that I got a fleur de lis tattooed on my body!!!!

    Like

  43. I have worked all over the this big ole World and everyone I have ever met that has been to the Big Easy hates it to. Go figure. Heading back home this week for some crawdads. Who Dat.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. I hate that I hope to one day visit or live in NOLA and grow to hate it for all of the same reasons.

    Like

  45. I hate this article!!!!! So much I just forwarded it to my 10 best friends because we just planned to come back to this awful place !!!! Because we hated so bad last year !!!! We hated !!!! It so much …. We are going back to hate it more!!!!! This made me cry … A wonderful article!!!! I’m reading it again!!!!!!!

    Like

  46. We hate crawfish so much we are flying up a couple of pounds to North Carolina and we are going to boil them and then eat them. And then suck their tiny heads.

    Like

  47. I hated it after I ran away to Austin. I hated it more after I moved to New York. I hate it when I find myself looking at the NOLA.com real estate pages torturing my soul at the thought of moving back. I love every single day I am away and I hate you for writing this. Punches and hate.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Ditto! and this coming from the native born and raised, left, went across the world, came back and bought a house 2 houses down from the one where I lived when I was born. I only hope that my kids feel the same way you do.

    Like

  49. Fuck you ya little piece of cunt licking, asshole sucking, cum juggling down your throat prick!!

    Like

  50. Freakin’ awesome article..!! I hate you for it. We’ll be at French Quarter Fest next week to personally express our hate!!

    Like

  51. I hate the fact that you can leave the city, but it never leaves you. I hate the fact that everytime I try to leave, I ache to come back. I hate knowing everyone, everywhere, and having connections all over the place. I hate that I grew up here and that it is in my blood now. I hate the urge to wear my jersey all the time during football season. I hate the urge to yell at the TV like the players can hear me. I hate the addicting atmosphere that this city possesses because once you are caught in her web, she doesn’t ever let you leave.

    You can take the girl out of new Orleans, but you can’t take New Orleans out of the girl.

    Liked by 2 people

  52. I hate the cracks in the uneven sidewalks, the moss dripping from the trees. The solemn reminder of raised tombstones, the quick rainstorms every single morning, the shotgun houses with their front porch swings.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Andrew I really appreciate your article. It also hate the fact that the people on the street smile, nod or even say hello. Not like other cities. I also hate the fact that the people have manners here, the parents as well as their children. Thank you so much for this hate you spread keep it up. Much hate is sent to you.♥:D

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Im a Coonass transplanted to Big Island Hawai’i, and I find myself growing prouder and prouder of the fact that I hail from Louisiana…people here respect the hell out of it and LOVE the yummy Cajun goodness that I make in my kitchen…while IN Louisiana, I was too close to the Kisatchie to see da trees…while I LOVE my new home (HAWAII…duh…who wouldnt?), I have found myself living in an area of the Big Island up in the Eucalyptus forests at 2500ft elevation, because it reminds me of home…forests, trees, and sprawling pasture land, wild turkeys and hogs…I will say I HATE it even more since I have left 😎
    Great article BTW…Cest’ ci bon!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Thank you for a perfect description of the city we all love. And you even forgot a lot of things to hate!

    Like

  56. I love that my job is to chauffeur people into and out of town and tell them about all the things I hate about the city, and to send them to restaurants where I know they’ll hate the food and drive them through the nasty terrible French Quarter so they can see how aweful we live down here, and I tell them about how nothing ever gets done here because we have festivals ALL the time and how we’ll all leaving the very NEXT hurricane that hits us.

    Like

    • I hate all the wise advice people like you have given me. Talking to people in cars is great–I’ve learned some great life lessons during drives.

      Like

  57. I hate that my son could have written this as he is a Tulane Freshman. I hate that he plays his sax on the street for spending money. I hate visiting him from California and bringing my other son who hates staying in the dorms with his big brother. I hate that my kid is living in a place that people dream about visiting.

    Like

  58. Andrew this is PERFECT! I was born and raised on the westbank. I have always found myself saying I will leave New Orleans and my kids don’t need to grow up here. I have NEVER left. Katrina was the longest period I was away from HOME. Four weeks to be exact. Now I am 31 and I am finally able to embrace and appreciate MY city and the culture that bleeds through every ward, city, block, home game, restaurant, bar, church, school and HOME. I HATE HATE HATE NOLA with a passion 😉

    Like

  59. I hate that my daughter was born and raised here and will be 20 years old at her 20th JazzFest.

    Like

  60. I was born and raised here in N. O. and worked as a Captain on the NOFD for 35 and just retired. After Katrina we were able to live outside the city legally because they dropped the domicile law that forced us to live in the city. Thank God we moved out to a suburb and have a much better quality if life. Now I can’t wait too move away for good, I’ve had it with all the crooked politicians and their bullshit. Plus everything you mentioned from weather to whatever, enough is enough after 58 years. Y’all enjoy yourselves you can have it, I’m heading for the mountains.

    Like

  61. I hate the smell of blooming sweet olive trees during a New Orleans springtime!

    Like

  62. I hate this article and I would have written this comment earlier but I was busy soaking my red beans for the totally stupid traditional Monday red beans and rice meal. I also hate that the New Orleans Saints had the worst Superbowl parade ever. I was so ashamed of them. I haven’t lived here very long, only 52 years, but the biggest thing that I hate about this city is that I am always discovering new things to hate about it. Uggh!!!. Well now I can add you to the list. I hate you so much. Stop writing immediately.

    Like

  63. I hate that all my youthful wandering and searching for the one place on the planet that feels like “home” ended less than 5 minutes after I arrived in New Orleans for the first time. I hate the fact that I cannot leave New Orleans for any length of time without missing it painfully. I hate that I am in Maryland right now visiting my family of origin (whom I love dearly) for the first time in 3 years but I can’t help but count the days until I return to New Orleans. I hate that I fit in so well in New Orleans that I’m comfortable being me for the first time in my life. I hate that my personal weirdness is not only tolerated, but encouraged and even celebrated. And I especially hate the fact there are thousands of other New Orleanians who are just like me…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m from Maryland also. Eat some crabcakes while you’re there. I hate those… and I will admit that Maryland does them better than anywhere else, even New Orleans.

      But hurry home soon!

      Like

  64. hate the fact that you are so correct. I hate it because i did not write it and I hate it becasue I truley love the entire article. I’m also hate it that you are that smart.

    Like

  65. I really hated living on Plum St. when I attended Newcomb and standing in line for a Plum St. snowball. And, I really hated having no school on Mardi Gras Day when I lived on Tulane’s campus and they provided box lunches for us. I hated being so close to bus stops that I didn’t have to own a car. I cannot stand the low cost of living here, compared to NY & L.A..

    Like

  66. Love it. You’re the next Chris Rose!! U know it’s said that you don’t live in New Orleans, she lives in you!! So true.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. I hate that Katrina made me leave and live in Texas. I hate that everyday I make new friends here I am still wishing for my ones back home. I hate that I have been gone for almost nine years and I still have this homesick feeling. I hate that every time I come home for a Saints game I need to fly or drive 6 hours to get there. I hate that after nine years I need to uproot my family and start all over again. I hate to say it, but New Orleans I am finally coming HOME!

    Liked by 1 person

  68. I hate that you have made me homesick! I hate that I can’t visit until this summer. I hate that i can almost TASTE a muffelatta from Central Grocery but I can’t have one for another 4 months! I hate that I can’t stroll through the French Market and chat with the friendliest vendors in the world. I hate that I can’t stroll thought the quarter and listen to cool strains of jazz while watching street performers who really perform. I hate not being able to start my day with beignets and coffee at Cafe Dumonde. And I hate that no one around here in Virginia knows what I’m talking about when I say it’s sno-ball season! Thank you for this essay! Is it June yet???

    Like

  69. I spent a year in California after Katrina. Having never lived anywhere other than New Orleans, it was an eye opening experience for me. I missed home so much it was physically painful. There really is no place like it and I plan to spend the rest of life hating New Orleans. As I said when I was away, the people in New Orleans are my people. Everything about it just says “home.” Thank you for writing such a hateful article about our wonderfully weird and hateful city. I raise my glass to hate.

    Like

  70. i moved to hammond a year ago, because as much as i hated new orleans the first time i came to visit, i hate small town living more.

    i hate that even though i live in a small town, the town itself throws better parties than any organization in any big city i’ve lived in.

    i hate that when i go down into new orleans, i am treated like a local. i hate that people will come up to talk to me uninvited. i hate that they will always have suggestions about the next new thing to try.

    i hate that there is always something new to try.

    i hate the fact that cheap, crappy bar food here is better than i’ve found in nice restaurants elsewhere.

    i hate that when i take the ‘back road’ anywhere the country is so ugly i cry.

    i hate that when i need some fresh air, the beach is less than two hours away.

    i hate the fact that i really feel like i’ve fallen off of planet earth and into some alternate universe.

    but most of all, i hate that people like me aren’t considered freaks down here, and i actually fit it.

    Liked by 1 person

  71. I hate that I don’t live in New Orleans anymore because I love it but I also love not living there because it is too much fun. New Orleans is the place that makes you believe everyday life is one big celebration. So no matter what you or anyone says this city lives and breathes a magic undefinable and it feeds on the love and criticism of others. For one to say they hate this city is one that is incapable of controlling their temptations. New Orleans is the modern day Garden of Eden it is up to you my friend to have control. I attended and graduated from Loyola and I love the fact that at the time Tulane students attended our classes because we had one of the top 10 communications programs in the country. I am proud of my degree. In this hate blog I have to turn it to why I love New Orleans. I love that I was a cheerleader in high school and every August all local teams were invited to participate in the SAINTS half-time show. So you hate the Saints, I loved the Saints, I was in high school in 1992 and I performed on that green, I loved them when we sucked. But I walked on that green, I performed on that green and you will never know the meaning. I love the CBD I worked at a law firm when I was in college and we went to happy hour every Tuesday at Ernst Cafe. I hate that Texans don’t understand happy hour or martini lunches. I hate that I am not in New Orleans right now as I am missing Wednesdays in the Square. If you are a local you know what I am talking about and it rocks! I feel sorry that you say you hate New Orleans and I think it is just the subject of your rant, I love New Orleans and I was back there last year . . . I was a Katrina refugee and I am currently living in Texas but my heart will always be in New Orleans. I can tell you all the really great things about New Orleans how I love to play tourist in my own town how I will take you to the Bombay club for the best Martini ever and live jazz, then to the Monteleone Hotel to ride the carousel bar, then I would take you to the alibi for a local drink, then I might take you to Napoleon House for a nostalgic drink, followed by the Crescent City Brewhouse for a locally brewed beer, then I would lead you all the way to the warehouse district past many bars and into the ugly dog which is where I suggest we grab a cab as I’m going to take you to the coolest bar ever Snake and Jakes the Christmas bar check the ratings it is a top rated bar and never disappoints.

    Like

  72. I hate the fact that this is exactly the way I also hate New Orleans..
    –Bravo.

    Like

  73. I hate the fact that this is exactly the way I also hate New Orleans. I moved here 28 years ago, have left and returned numerous times. One day I will leave this dreaded New Orleans for good….maybe….
    –Bravo.

    Like

  74. And I hate everything that surrounds New Orleans. The lakes, the rivers, the wildlife, the view of the city from the West Bank, Huey Long Bridge, the old Market Street Power Plant . It’s a photographer’s dream!!!

    Like

  75. I was born and raised here. The only thing I hate about New Orleans is the ones who is running the city (and I mean, “RUNNING IT TO THE GROUND”, especially after “Katrina”)

    Like

  76. Now lets here the love version. 🙂 And how do I know under all that aggravation and miss use of the word”hate”, do you love New Orleans? Because my dear, no one is MAKING you stay. 😉 And the emotion of hate is just a hop skip and jump from love. Ah, the dangerous pendulum of extreme emotions. 🙂 Blessings to you young buck. 😉

    Like

  77. as a native New Orleanian I get this…..he is obviously being facetious….please read the entire article before you think he hates NOLA. BRILLIANT…..and if you truly do hate the city fuck off but i know you don’t…by the way I love how you don’t see a meter maid within 6 miles of a parking space and 4 seconds after you park she is ticketing you.

    Like

    • Thanks, man. I feel like locals get it. Outsiders and transplants seem to be the ones having the worst reactions. Everyone deserves their own opinion though. Also, I love the meter maids!

      Like

  78. If this article was for real, I couldn’t agree more. After being there for two years, I cannot for the life of me understand why people from there are so proud. Proud of what? What does New Orleans has that is so much better then California? It’s hysterical. I did leave and am very comfortable back home enjoying the perfect sunny weather every day, the clean air, snowy mountains, endless wineries, countless social events, clear skin, good looking people and food that is not fried or covered in butter.

    Like

  79. i HATE that even as i was waiting to be evacuated from the VA hospital on the friday after Katrina, the only thought in my mind was “how the HELL am i gonna get back here?!”

    Like

  80. I hate writing this to let you know That I hate what you hate and I’m at a bar hating to hate this while drinking an Abita beer that I hate so much. Oh God, I hate dis.

    Like

  81. I love the filthy streets. I love that people litter everywhere! I love the crime! Daily shootings! I love that we’re the murder capital of the USA. I love the political corruption. I love decomposed infrastructure. I love the fact that the public schools are awful. I love the ignorance. I love that there are so many homeless people. I love that there are so many people living below the poverty line. I love the entrenched racism. I love the elitism that keeps the less fortunate struggling for generations. I love the illiterate diction. I love that so many people drive without auto insurance. I love that the sick and mentally ill can’t get treatment. I love it that people don’t care enough to change it!

    Like

  82. Let’s just keep this amongst friends or everyone will want to come here!!!

    Like

  83. And when you left, you named your dog some cute New Orleans-like name. I hate when that happens. 😉

    Like

  84. I love you hater! And not the way I tell the so-called Christians that show up in the Quarter on big weekends I love them. I guess, like you, when I encounter them I am using a strong verb to make my point. 🙂

    Like

  85. I hate that we moved away from new Orleans and that our family stayed so we HAVE to go back at least twice and act like tourist . You know the Quarter, Burbon Street, Mandinas, the old cemeteries, street car, Central Grocery!! Hate that stuff but have to go soon or I may die…

    Like

  86. I hate that due to Mardi Gras, St. Patty’s Day and Hogs for a Cause I have not been able to get anything done in my yard this year and with French Quarter Fest, the Zurich and Jazz Fest I have no idea when I will get around to it. I especially hate the fact that my neighbors completely understand!

    Like

  87. I hear you, some places are just hateful no matter what the tourist books say. Ever since I learned there was an equator, I’ve committed the unforgivable sin of hating my own hometown, the one I was born in. Guess I have been too hard on it at times. It can’t help being a frozen-over hell-hole after all, just like New Orleans can’t help being coastal and warm.

    Just curious as to know, what’s your #1 geographic goal? Mine’s Austin at the moment.

    Like

  88. I hate that there´s so much hate in this post! especially all the Who Dat hate bec that one is a special kind…hahaha

    Like

  89. A friend of mine went to New Orleans back in the Sixties and we never heard from him again. Now we know what happened. He hated it.

    Like

  90. Best explanation of a love/hate city! I love and hate the crap out of this city, but the truth is I’ll never leave her.

    Like

  91. Andrew, It’s people like you that make our city what it is today. I can’t believe the people that didn’t “get it”. Thanks for the GREAT read.

    Like

  92. Reblogged this on nola9 and commented:
    I haven’t even blogged myself yet, but stumbled upon this and can’t let it go…must pass on! This guy is awesome!

    Like

  93. Why not hate on some of the really annoying things… For example, why not hate that the locals could give a shit if their legislators sell the state out to big oil…. I get that this is satire, but come one… There really are BIG problems down here. The drinking, festivals, music, food, tourism, is a big veil, that keeps the general population of the area not giving a shit. It’s fun to live down here, until you realize that your tax money is being wasted and given to big oil. There are rarely new parks built, and there is pollution everywhere, mostly because the right wingers love any opportunity to give the middle finger to anyone who cares about the environment. Oh, and you could also hate the the city is un-affordable and is forcing the local renters out of some of the most culturally relished neighborhoods.

    Like

  94. hmmmm… I might move to New Orleans now… I got family there. =)
    Love the part about how The Saints got good all of a sudden!

    Like

  95. I hate that you didn’t mention all those people who left New Orleans to drive up to New York (for 9/11) or Alabama (the tornadoes)…. They would bring the red beans & rice, the crawfish and other local food to share with those who were affected. Their kindnesses may result in some of those people wanting to come here. Those people will think we are all like that, kind and can cook….

    Like

    • The cuisine and hospitality of New Orleanians is legendary. Everyone hates that… Didn’t feel the need to mention it. 🙂

      Like

  96. I hate the color of the sky at night and the lovely southerly marine scented breeze from the gulf with accompanying infinatly varying cloudscapes.

    I hate watching the beauty of the pelicans in flight as they migrate through each year gracing the skies over Lake Pontchartrain and Bayou Saint John.

    I hate seeing all this beauty in my everyday life.

    Like

  97. I lived In New Orleans for 5.5 years. I hated it. I’m from NY, the greatest city in the world. I moved back to New York and had a baby. I named her Nola. I hate her name.

    Like

    • I was born in New York. If I have a daughter, “Tchoupitoula.” If a boy, “Breesus!”

      They’re really gon’ hate me.

      Like

  98. I hate it when you go to visit relatives in the cemetary – then for excitement – go looking for Weeping Angels with your 4 yr old because y’all like Doctor Who! And I hate how we can dress in costume anytime and no one gives you a second look! And I hate how after Katrina everyone wanted to know where in the world I wanted to live – and the pull to come home was stronger than the retractable cord in a vacuum cleaner…I hated that feeling.. and that last sentence! I hated the feeling when the streetlights came on – and when we got mail service again!!! I loved it when neighbors started moving back in. I hate how everything now is defined pre-k and post-k. I hated being born and raised in Lakeview! I hated spending summers in cane fields and eating at Airline Motors every weekend! I hated the neighborhood theatres, one that became a K&B and is now some other letters that is still pronounced K&B. Oh I could hate all night on this!

    Like

  99. Great essay! My sister is moving down there for residency and I’m terribly depressed about it – but your last line gave me hope.

    Like

  100. I’ve hated this place for almost 50 years. Glad you get it! I just LOVE the hispters who want to change the fabric of the city. You, my friend, have embraced it. I, too, work downtown and I hate the fact that I only have to walk a block on Wednesday nights to hear some of the best live music in the world for FREE. I hate that I can sit on the front stoop of my house and watch the traffic jam of cars on Friday night going to get their Lenten specials. I hate that I have three seafood shops within a block of my home and that I am slapped with the smell of boiling crawfish during the season. Thanks for hating this horrendous city and giving back to her. Hate on!

    Like

    • Plenty to hate around here… especially in 50 years. Don’t get me started on the hipsters. I hate a few of them, love the most generic ones.

      Like

  101. I feel ya, bro. I grew up in the Gold Coast; State Street, right behind the zoo. I hate NOLA, too.

    Like

  102. Reblogged this on 4strongwomen and commented:
    I hate the king cake, I hate feeling like I can go on vacation just by walking out my door, and I hate the scene I see when I’m coming home over the twin span.

    Like

    • I hate “staycation.” And I also hate finding the baby and having to provide the king cake for the next party. Thanks for sharing.

      Like

  103. I hate that this is the only city in the USA where a normal person can afford to buy a house within a mile or two of central city areas like the CBD and French Quarter. I hate that I bought such a house, and I hate the flat roads that allow me to ride my no-speed, back-pedal-brake, scratchy-paint-job bicycle everywhere any time of the year. I hate that I can have streamers and a basket on my bike and cover the seat with a plastic bag and no one thinks that’s weird. But most of all, I hate the go-cup holder on my bicycle.

    Like

  104. It’s not a bad post, but I got tired of reading “I hate” over and over again and it stopped me from finishing it.

    Like

  105. I hate this dreadfully loathsome piece so much that I’m going to print it, frame it, and hang it on the wall of my absolutely hateful Irish Channel home. And for the record, I hate the Irish Channel!

    Like

  106. To voice my opinion here, when you hate or dislike something then change it!!! So leave New Orleans, if your a transplant then make the move and live elsewhere. I personally also hate New Orleans.

    Like

  107. I loved getting to move around as a child because my dad was in the oilfield business. Every place I would move to people would say talk for me. Like I was some kind of freak. I currently live about 40 minutes outside of NOLA and I hate when people come to visit from out of town and the first thing they want to do is go to the city. I hate that they find it so fascinating. I hate having to go out drinking and drink all these signature drinks only found in NOLA. I hate being an addicted to lucky dogs! I hate that after drinking they are the best thing you could eat.
    Thank you for being so perceptive about why I hate NOLA.

    Like

  108. Thank you! I now live in the Northwest; because my daughter ended up here and family was gone or scattered, but the South is in my blood and New Orleans, my soul. There is no place in the world like New Orleans. I have organized 2 Mardi Gras parties at the natural market where I work. Gumbo, red beans and rice, mask making, my daughter reading the history, New Orleans music and of course, a two-step workshop. I pull out my special umbrella and this year hung it in the center of the cafe. We are planning another for next year. I will be coming home for a family reunion in July and plan to spend a day walking the quarter and tasting the food and filling up my senses with all that is New Orleans.

    Like

    • You can take someone out of New Orleans, but you can’t take the New Orleans out of them. Glad you’re sharing the traditions with your family.

      Like

  109. Oh, and we do back the Seahawks here, EXCEPT when they play the Saints and then we are for “loudly and proudly” our Saints!!!

    Like

  110. Andrew, I hate to have to ask you… can you help me find a place to live in NO? The Garden District is my fav. Thanks~

    Like

    • I don’t have any leads, but I’d check out craigslist. Just make decisions quickly because the best places always go fast!

      Like

  111. I totally get it. I was born and raised in NOLA. After Hurricane Katrine I moved to Dallas TX. I miss all the things you have munched as well as my family and fiends. But it is much, much cleaner here in Dallas. And the Education for our children is much better. But NOLA is where my heart is. I can and will always come back to visit. Just like how clean it is here in Dallas. Props to you for writing this article. Very well written.

    Like

    • Thanks, Kenny. There are certainly problems here and things other places do better. I just prefer our problems to everywhere else’s.

      Like

  112. I was not born in New Orleans but got here as fast as I could 40 years ago. I hate that every time I return to New Orleans through the heat and humidity I feel more comfortable than any where else.

    Like

  113. Great job on the article Martin, I was amused by the readers who didn’t understand the purpose of your writing and were quick to bash you! They should read it again,. I was born and raised in St. John Parish, graduated from UNO with a degree in education, then moved to Atlanta in 93. I still get homesick , my mouth waters after phone conversations with relatives who just gathered friends over for a crawfish boil, and Ii miss the events that make La unique. You nailed your essay with everything that encompasses the culture of Nola,! Thanks for reminding me of the special place I call home.

    Like

  114. LMAO! This is so fucking brilliant I hate it! As a friend likes to say, “If I have to explain sarcasm, doesn’t it just suck to be you?” Well, whadaya gonna do? Haters gonna hate.

    P.S. I’m hating the fact I’ll be back in town for Piano Night and Jazz Fest.

    Like

  115. Very clever hatred for a place that deserves so much love and tenderness…………….keep it up my main man.

    Like

  116. Whoa! you still got a Hubig´s in the freezer? i HATE that! 🙂 my last one was gone the day the place burnt down….we were 3 ppl sharing it, it was like a pie funeral lol

    Like

  117. i hate all beeing said so, im packing an checking the hell out of this place. for those onto clean streets and education. let me tell you that is not everything in life unless you like to be a white flower toast. lets keep focus !!! i’m going to my my most hatefull place,,, hugs

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s